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(not to be taken too serious)

As a student your funds are limited, no let me change that, very limited. Limited to the point where you’re living, 6 out of 7 days off baked beans. Then, for a treat, you get a McDonalds on the 7th day. A major part of university life is basically drinking, drinking and, you guessed it! Drinking. However, being on such a tight income doesn’t simply mean that you can’t partake in the delights of the alcohol-fuelled culture now does it. It does mean that you can’t go out every night drinking double JD’s and fancy cocktails with names that sound like sexual positions. It just means you’ve got to learn the purified art of the “Broke Booze Bash”.

Here are some great ways to get you drunk, or if you’re a light weight, plastered without breaking the bank. Some of them are less savoury than others, but when you’re spending a tenner instead of fifty quid to get drunk you won’t be in any state to notice!
Purchase a hipflask

Hipflasks are those things that usually old men and teachers carry around to “wet their whistle” (as they like to say when questioned), during games of golf and lessons where they know no-ones listening. Not the most cool way of boozing you think?. However these people although old are very wise and have probably had a few times themselves where they’ve not had a lot of cash. Take a leaf out of their book, if you buy a hipflask or a Thermos you can carry your own, pre-paid booze with you anywhere! As ASDA say why pay more? Some of them even come with things to attach them to your leg so you don’t have to worry about hiding it in your handbag or in your pockets. Fill one of these up with your own ?3 a bottle Tesco Value vodka and sneak off to the toilets when you need a swig. To avoid suspicion order a coke up at the bar, drink half and sneakily pour in some of the contents, yes sneakily, not in plain sight. You can easily pour in a double, which will save you around ?4 a drink! Now, wouldn’t your parents be pleased at you saving all that money? See on your way to money management already.
Shop around

Even though you probably visit all the pubs in your local area on a girls or lads’ night-out, you’re probably too drunk to realise how much things cost, or if you’re totally out of it should cost (the might partake in overcharging if they think you wont remember). During lunch periods or in your own spare time go to each pub (not all at once as you will be too drunk to understand what they are talking about) and ask how much your drink of choice is. Write it down and stick it up on the fridge in your halls detailing the pub, how far it is away, the price of the drink (or drinks) and marks out of ten for atmosphere. This way you have a definitive and personal guide to what pubs sell what, how much it costs and everyone you give the list to will become your new best friend and they can thank you with…. Booze! After checking the bank balance and talking to your flatmates, roommates or to yourself if your crazy, you can make an informed decision as to which pub you will be going to tonight and how much you can spend.

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Set a limit and stick to it

We all know the story, at the cash point you took out ?50, and said the phrase “just in case” and you ended up spending every penny. You’ve got no money left for your bus pass to university and you end up missing a week’s lectures, later finding out you’ve missed the most important week. DON’T let this happen. Set yourself a limit before you go out, only take this amount of money and leave all cash cards and credit cards at home. Take ?10 for emergencies and don’t TOUCH IT, padlock it. If anything, give it to a trustworthy friend to look after so it doesn’t get spent. If you run out of money either roll your skirt up and make a beeline for a guy wearing an YSL shirt or get a taxi home (hopefully your mate hasn’t already left with you money). Your head and stomach as well as your bank account will thank you for it tomorrow.
Make yourself drop dead gorgeous

This is one for the girls only? . . . . I guess. Get on your best glad rags and tart yourself up to the extreme. Tarty is good, the best infact. When men are drunk they lose all sense of their wallets and will gladly buy you a drink, two drinks, three drinks and more. Though a note to the wise, go up with them to the bar (date rape is still a problem) and after they buy you the drink thank them and say “I better go find my boyfriend” and run off as fast as your 6 inch stilettos will let you. It’s not half as fun if you have to snog a minger(yes I know the terms gotten old but meh)!
Start drinking as early as you can

This one is probably best kept for the weekend as I’m sure lecturers, although used to it, would resent anybody turning up for a lecture on the “Rise and fall of the Ottoman Empire” stinking of Special Brew. Buy in lots of cheap alcohol the day before and every time you want something to drink, down a shot of vodka. Do it slowly however, so that for the majority of the day you are happily tipsy. One per half an hour should do the trick with a break from 5 to 7. Then with your trusty hipflask, go out! Because you have been drinking all day it should be easier to get into and take less time to get really drunk.
Don’t eat anything for 3 hours before you go out

Attempt this with caution, if you get very drunk and are sick, more likely than not you’ll throw up your stomach fluids. And, if one has been drinking WKD blue or strange cocktails, it will be a strange colour.

If you have nothing in your stomach to absorb the alcohol, then you will be drunk quicker. This is also useful if you are trying to sober up, eat some bread. It will make you become slightly more sober and that way you have a better chance of fooling your parents you’re not drunk as you stumble up the stairs.

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